So Close

Too scared to Google

I am a big Googler. I Googled my way all through my infertility. In fact, I obtained my Doctorate in Infertility through the University of Google.  There isn't an ailment or affliction I haven't Googled.  My whole family knows that if they need to know the answer to any medical question, just ask me - because I will have Googled the answer before they have even asked the question.

Until now.

My brother asked me what the risks are for my father's bypass surgery and I told him I am too scared to look it up. I don't want to know.  That's how scared I am.

And now I am even more afraid.

As I mentioned yesterday or the day before, my dad had a heart attack on Sunday. Which we found out on Monday.  He had a triple bypass 20 years ago and apparently it is all blocked again.  His heart muscle is also damaged.  On Tuesday night he came home and was scheduled to go into hospital today, to prepare for the bypass surgery scheduled for tomorrow, Friday. Yesterday afternoon my two sisters and all our kids went to my parent's house for a braai.  Dad was walking around, doing his thing.  We laughed, bonded, ate and went home.  Off he went today to hospital to prepare for his operation (to have a balloon put into his heart or arteries to prepare it for the bypass?)  Well, the blood test reveal he had had another heart attack yesterday. While we were all sitting around having a braai.  The bypass has been rescheduled to Sunday and he has to lie completely still in hospital until then. He is not allowed to move anything, he can't even bend his knees. 

I am very afraid.

I feel sick with worry. Suddenly it all seems so much scarier than before. How could he have had a heart attack without him even knowing?  If we don't even know it is happening, how will we know when it might strike next?  I don't know what to think or to do. I feel completely impotent.  And absolutely terrified. 

May you live in interesting times

Well, it has been interesting times indeed.  First my mom's cancer diagnosis in December*, and then on Sunday my father suffered a heart attack.  Luckily for all of us, he is as tough as old leather (or tungsten as he likes to say), and he survived it but he now has to go for a bypass operation on Friday.  His second. He had a triple bypass 20 years ago.  For a more detailed account of what a stubborn old fartbag my teenage** dad is, go have a look at my sister's blog. 

Needless to say, my already over stretched and absent mind has been somewhat occupied of late. Hence the dearth of blog posts recently.

As you know, along with my BFF Mel, I run South Africa's premier Egg Donor and Surrogacy agency (we rock!), Nurture and it is always so interesting to see the decision process recipient couples go through to choose a donor.  People base their decision on many different factors, but one of the big things is the donor's family medical history.  And naturally, most recipient couples would like a donor with a 'clean slate' so to speak, but quite honestly - which person out there does NOT have some form of disease or issue in their family history (we go as far back as mother, father, siblings and both sets of grandparents).  However, having said that, I am pretty damn sure that no one would ever want to pick me as a donor (even if my tired old good-for-nothing eggs were in perfect working order) as between my mother, father and both sets of grandparents, I have just about every bloody dread disease in my family history, including Completely Crazy!

In other news, there is no other news.  Well, there is other news, but I can't discuss it on this blog which is completely annoying. It's like someone saying "I know a secret but I can't tell you".  Why bother mentioning it then?  I don't know.  Suffice it to say, it has something to do with this rather tiresome recession thingy that is severely cramping my style. 

* My mom had her first check up recently (just a blood test) and that was all good.  Which was good news indeed.  Oh, while I am on the subject of my mom - she is suffering terribly from after-chemo pains. Shooting, sharp pains in her joints, especially her arms, hands and shoulders.  It is really bad, so bad that she sometimes can't drive or sleep at night.  Anyone have any experience with this? How long before it goes away?

** 'Teenage' as he is only a mere 19 years older than I am, which makes him a very youthful 60 years old.

PS remind me to tell you about two things I want to talk about:  (a) How much I dislike school holidays and (b) the hair saga.

To Infinity, and Beyond!

Adam doing his Buzz Lightyear move:
(on his couch, in his TV room. Just in case you think I let them jump on the furniture reserved for guests and In Laws)

I just realized I owe you some new house pics. I will see if I can persuade Marko to take some pics, he is a better photographer than I am.