In many respects, Marko and I are a lot alike. We even look alike, to a degree (both tall, slim'ish, dark hair, blue eyes, thin face). We are both anal about stuff, we have a similar attitude towards debt, towards finances, towards holidays, religion, being on time etc. However, one way in which we differ is our attitude towards children - specifically issues on how we should live with them and them with us.
There is lots we agree on, and we both love them equally but if there was a scale of 1-10 in which 1 was allowing the kids to roam free and be in touch with their feelings all the time and all other airy fairy stuff and 10 was 'kids should be seen and not heard and should fit into OUR lives not the other way around', he would probably be around a 7, and I am probably a minus 2. Ok, not so bad, but maybe around a 3. Which is not a big difference, most of the time. Most of the time, we operate quite well between the 3 and the 7 and we manage to find a happy space that suits all of us.
I think its a healthy thing, I think we balance each other out well and it is good for the kids. I think if they had two 7s, life would be a bit too harsh for them. If they had two 3s, they would find it tough to survive in a world that is a lot harder than 2s and 3s.
But every now and then our 3s and 7s collide.
Last Thursday night, we were cooking supper (and by *we* I mean mostly Rose) and the kids were playing around. It was a beautiful scene... 3 beautiful, hard-fought-for kids playing and laughing, food cooking (Rose), wine drinking (me)....
Adam got his toy box, emptied out all the toys and put Max inside. They then went flying around the dining room table, laughing and screeching and having so much fun. Soon Kate joined in. It was such a nice feeling to see my children playing and enjoying themselves. I felt really blessed - so lucky to have 3 beautiful, healthy children, I have a beautiful home, I have help, I have a successful business, I am able to work from home... etc etc.
Here are a few photos of the kids running around:
What a beautiful moment. Except that what I didn't realize is that by pushing the toy box (which is on wheels) around and around, they were scratching the gloss off the tiles. As a result, there is a trail of scuff marks on our beautiful tiles all around the dining room table. Marko was FURIOUS. He went crazy when he got home. (In fact, I think he was quite rude to me, but we will not mention that now)
It is these things that drive him crazy. He says he is clearly the only one that gives a shit about our stuff and if it wasn't for him, the kids would just roam free and the entire house would get fucked up / break down / be destroyed. I think that is crap. I do care about the house, and about our stuff - I just care about the kids more.
Actually, that is unfair - it is not as if he doesn't care about the kids. He does, obviously. And yes, perhaps the kids shouldn't have pushed the box around the floor but they didn't know that, and I OBVIOUSLY didn't know it would leave marks or else I wouldn't have let them.
I sometimes feel that he can be too uptight about 'stuff'. And he feels that sometimes I don't care enough about 'stuff' - our stuff that we worked hard for.
I know I need to be stricter (I went to my book club evening last night and I realized that I am by far the biggest wuss/walk over/softy/useless mother around) but I feel that life is so short, with so much hardship and heartache, we should spend more time loving and laughing and less time caring about 'stuff'.
Anyway, now that I have written this post I realize that I am possibly a little too close to the lower end of the kids/stuff scale. And yes, it is annoying that the tiles were scratched. And maybe Marko had a right to be upset about the tiles being scratched. (Although he did not have a right to shout at me!!! Fartbag).
So what is the point of this post? I don't know. I am tired now after all this writing. I think the point is that I am always right and Marko is always wrong. I think that is the point. Yes, good. We will leave it there.
PS Where are you on the softy vs strict scale?
